I'm trying to conquer the "hollow" within,i need...strength!!.

Friday, December 15, 2006

man...yesterday was sure unexpected...i mean insanely unexpected.i was super bored at home,tired to call everyone i know and then ended up nobody was available to go out.SO,nick suggested me to go over...so yeah went there anyway...and then,some people who said that i got no life because my RO characters are better than his,he doesnt know how to re-assemble the fish tank filter he disassembled...lol how ironic...i wonder who's got no life uh.anyway...followed him to some meeting...shan't elaborate about it if i do there will be alot of mistake spotting and i want to avoid that so yah...by the time the meeting ended it was 10.30 ++ so i was like darn...i need to go get food and at any rate i wont be able to go home....went to westmall mac and got my food...then during the supper angel was freeking high...for some reason lol no idea why....

true enough...by the time i finished food buses were no longer available...so i decided to follow him back to his place...at first i was damn reluctant,because firstly common sense tells me that i have no extra set of clothings,secondly i just had a pretty big quarrel with my mom so...yeah....then after that his mom spoke on the phone with my dad...and my dad just agreed...haha man..unexpected...life are full of surprises...yeah now i know what it means.haha

so...i stayed over anyway...i mean no choice man...i got no money to take a darned cab home and busses were no longer there...so yeah screw them...then after that...we start paying RO...sickening but yeah...we had nothing else better to do then so RO was satisfying enough hahah all i ever did was MVP-ing gay monsters while nick trains and at the same time being taught by me...then after around3 we went crazy...we spouted nonsenses....all the way tll 6 am! lol we were like "omg the sky is so dark now" we need to sleep hahaha when its 6am and the sun is rising....slept at 7.30 am. haha then woke up at 12+ and then i went homme...meeting alane was canceled as she has something on so yeah...haha

CHOW!! lol

Form your resolve. Charge forward. Leave no regrets. 9:19 PM

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Monneh...sweet sweet like...Hunneh...which gets eaten by a...Bunneh...that got smashed by a Trolleh....and people just went...golleh...and they ran to their momeeeh....and one of them was a little girl who had a...dolleh that is named molleh...that looed like a BOLLEHwood actress and a truck smashed all of them with a sound SHA-POW!!!!! - The Random Rangers (Ryan and Daniel ) 2006

it spwaned from a converstation between me and daniel we were freeking high and random so yeah...thats what you get from us!lol

bought a new set of clothes today fro x'mas =)) mwahaha mission accomplished i told them if they dont let me go there is a price...LOL

Form your resolve. Charge forward. Leave no regrets. 9:45 PM

Thursday, December 07, 2006

man...slept at like3 am last night,the dream YES ITS STILL HAUNTING ME damn...this isnt very nice to recall or to post so yeah i wont do it here...NICHOLAS NG ZHENG woke me up this morning lol!!he called my hp and i picked up he went like 'yes boss?' then i was like 'wtf' he thought i called him..agaain is the mysterious call that happens to him...THEN went for ken do competition this morning...nothing much came in second AND someone blocked my senka...how sad is that man..like 1st time please...man gosh i hate this...slender as a snake,evil as daniel's evil eye.so far the toughest opponent i have ever encountered.fun fun...oh well going down to look for job later with darren..so yeah cya around guys.

man im in a dilema...i want a job but if i get a job im afraid i cant take a christmas break and thus preventing me from spending my christmas with nick and daniel...hmm...i hope it somehow works out.THATS MY CHRISTMAS WISH THIS YEAR...yeap thats all nothing more...all i want is time doesnt matter if i dont get presents =)))))))))

Form your resolve. Charge forward. Leave no regrets. 12:33 PM

Sunday, December 03, 2006

im feeling shitty again now....although nothing is really wrong today....but yeah...felt like a piece of cow dung.how i wish all these will end right now...i just cant seem to keep on with this anymore why? why?although i understand that this has a purpose in my life but i still want to ask why this happens...stupid yeah i know sorry for being an idiot.

'in this world there are no coincidences,only the inevitable awaits.'i know...but yes...i still cant swallow this fact...at least im trying to but with several breakdowns.... and actually those are fine with me i just didnt want to implicate those around me especially those who are dear to me...oh well...Over 1000 nights i have been looking out of the small window i have,waiting and watching untill the right star descent.

千の夜を超えて-Aqua Timez [Bleach the Movie:Memories of Nobody]

oh well i went out with daniel today just before church...he picked up his games and when we were back at our condo,this guard starts picking on him for some reason haha that was hilarious but kinda annoying...=.-

for what purpose i have obtained these wisdom that helps people?i kinda forgotten those
why do i go to great extent to help those around me ?i forgotten those to
what is my wish ?my wish is one...its for this nightmare before christmas ends during chirstmas

Form your resolve. Charge forward. Leave no regrets. 10:00 PM

Saturday, December 02, 2006

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had a very very weird dream last night...i shan't elaborate but yeah before that mom nagged at me again...sighh like wtf...then i kept on thinking about the past and cried myself to sleep...yes i know only emos does that and i hate those,but i just cant keep it inside anymore... to the extent where i cant even bottle up my feelings anymore...then grabbed the last bottle of wine i bought and start drinking and the bottle was drained empty...sighh...i tried to stop but yeah...when no one's around to listen to me,drinking is all i can think of...

Form your resolve. Charge forward. Leave no regrets. 10:17 PM

these few days has sucked alot....the whole week has been nightmare.... how i wish all these are but nightmare before christmas...all that you dont want to happen everything you could possibly hate...as in HATE...
Wednesday
went over to nick's house...stayed overnight there,sure had fun there.a time where i can get away from MY HOUSE AND MY MOTHER AND everything i could possibly hate.Darren told me that there is this job at science centre and the interview is on thursday,so i included a set of clothes for the interview for the following day...had my dinner before i went there...no i think...nick's mom bought dinner for me...and then went into the room after that...chatted then angel went to play O2jam...then when it comes for nick's turn i went outside and talked to his mom...and then...went in again after he finished his game...couldnt really remember what happened that night but all i can remember is...we were talking about some ghost shit...then after that i mentioned *ahem* and then he got hyper and start talking about her all night he was practically ranting his lungs off...haha and what makes it worse was i was sleeping beside him on the same bed so...yeah the impact is more...ummm striking?haha but i liked listening to those...it made me think how i wish my mom hadnt had a miscariage and i would have a younger brother like him...bah!! we ranted about each other's *ahem* till say around 5 am!? haha amazing right? we were practically unable to speak any further untill he got knocked out first and i fell into a deep sleep soon after.
Thursday
something woke me up exactly at 8.30 went to bathe and then set off for science centre.met darren at the bus stop...went for the interview and when i thought it turned out well i guess i wasnt choosen for the job..so screw it...went back...was feeling very very lethargic already but tried to be like normal but i guess i couldnt help feeling tired...went to westmall with nick after that...then he went to kfc and i decided to eat too...then something bad happened...and i just broke down...i shall not commence with the rest of the story its shall just be between me and nick...

p.s:nick,i understand your intention and i appreciate it very much.but please i know you cant handle it so just please leave it,its not too late to turn back now...just let me have a peace of mind that if i cant help myself at least i dont trouble someone who is dear to me so...please be true to yourself dont do this,its making me feel even worse.

Form your resolve. Charge forward. Leave no regrets. 10:42 AM

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

1)Here's how you play the game
2)Put Your Music player on shuffle
3)Press Forward for each question
4)Use the song title as an asnwer to the question even if it doesn't make sense
5)Tag other 5 people to ask them to do this!

-How you feeling today?
Lost wings-Kajiura Yuki
confused...

-Will you get far in life?
Life-YUI
i can change my life??

-How do your friends see you?
Rolling Star-YUI
hmm...how should i put this...i want to live in a world where peace is the way of life??

-Will you get married?
Tomorrow's way-YUI
let tomorrow worry for itself?

-What is your best friend's theme song?
Rolling Star-YUI
sorry but yeah its rolling star again...

-What is your life's story?
If you are my love-Kajira Yuiki
hoping for someone that will always stay by my side?

-What was high school like?
Rush-UVERworld
hectic i guess and busy of course...

-How can you get ahead of life?
Tonight,Tonight,Tonight-Beat Crusader
er....just play along??

-What is the best things about your friends?
Baby it's you-JUNE
eh...they keep telling me that im the one that is thinking too much?and not to worry about anything too much?

-What is in store this weekend?
Fields of Hope-Rie Tanaka
Hope??hontoni??

-What song describes you??
D-tecnolife -UVERworld
hm...not making sense...im not so headstrong as what the song describes

-To describe your grandparents?
Life is like a boat-Rie Fu
hm....shiranai...

-How is your life going?
Fukai Mori-unknown
dunno....

-What song will they play at your funeral?
Motherland-Crystal Kay
does it mean im going back home?

-How does the world see you?
Tsubasa,the feather of love-FictionJuntionKAORI
er...as someone who is every changing??dunno if its good way of bad way

-Will you have a happy life?
I wanna go to a place-Gundam Seed Destiny
after i find the place...probably

-What do your friends really think about you?
Ai Ta KOKORO-UVERworld
hm...shiranai...

-Do people secretly lusts after you?
Lost wings-Kajiura Yuki
nonsensical i guess

-How can i make myself happy?
Goodbye days-YUI
if possible not to be sad anymore??

-What should you do with your life?
Rolling Star-YUI
seriously man...whats with this song...maybe i should try to achieve the 'dream'?

-Will you ever have children?
Life is like a boat-Rie Fu
not untill i get married at least?

Form your resolve. Charge forward. Leave no regrets. 3:36 PM

Sunday, November 26, 2006

im feeling very down currenly lah...so people who talked to me in msn if i replied u harshly im sorry okay??im abit messed up just now..as usual...on the verge to be consumed by hatred...im suffocating..i dont know why im so full of it...im trying very very hard to forget it and my dear nichloas i said im trying very very hard...dont worry i wont leave myself in a lurch not doing anything about my current situation...thanks for bothering to talk to me and just ask what happens...you actually made me feel that im loved for once after so long..thank you but i still find it hard to open up to people...im trying hard to open up to you...sorry u have to wait for that...as of the current situation i think i'll figure it out somehow...

once again thanks ah nick...despite all my scoldings for you you're still here for me some poeple will probably give up on me...so yeah..thanks again...love ya lots <33 =)

(oi ppl dont get it wrong ah please be more open minded u will probably say that you your bestie too)

Form your resolve. Charge forward. Leave no regrets. 12:36 AM